a heartfelt letter to the parents of performers
Welcome to Meet Me At The Barre!
Our parents are the first people we meet when we come into the world. For many years of our lives, they’re the first ones we turn to for love, support, guidance and advice. They help shape us into the people we become. We create strong bonds with our parents through shared memories, trying times and the general act of caring for one another.
For many performers, their parents are the most important people in their lives and their support of their career choice means everything. But what happens when that parental support isn’t there?
Well, it’s not great.
There are many reasons why parents don’t fully agree with their child’s choice of career but it all boils down to one thing; fear.
A parent’s number one job is to protect their offspring. Kiss the scrapes on their knees, hug them when someone at school said something mean to them, and shield them from the harshness of the world.
A career in the arts brings a lot of uncertainty and instability, mainly financially. So when their child turns to them and declares that they’re pursuing a life as a performer, the first thing they feel is fear.
Fear that constant rejection will break them. Fear that they won’t be able to support themselves (and eventually a family) financially. Fear that they won’t be successful in a field that is extremely competitive.
Dispelling that fear is the key to fully supporting your kid’s decision, and to fully embrace the choice they have made, you must trust them.
Trust is crucial when it comes to supporting the performer in your life. You need to trust that you have raised them with the tools to make good decisions and to become honest individuals who contribute to society.
As artists, we are incredibly resilient and have a wide range of skill sets. Many of us do graphic design, website design, teach, write, manage social media, serve and bartend. At the end of the day, we will always find a way to pay our bills. But if there comes a time when we turn to you for help financially, please don’t scold us on the fact that we don’t make much money.
Trust us, we know.
If you can’t offer financial help, there are other ways to show your artist that you support them. Go see their show, ask them about their auditions, reach out to see if they’re doing okay, Your interest in their career, even if you don’t see eye to eye with them about it, shows that you care.
Many performers will argue that they don’t need their parental support to get them through. A lot of artists have a chosen family. People who understand their art, the sacrifices they need to make to be successful, and the general struggles of having a life in the arts.
But the primal bond we have with our parents, that first understanding of what love and support look like makes having parental support uniquely important.
So to the parents out there who still can’t get on board with the life your child has chosen, it’s time. Know that if they could see themselves pursuing any other career, they would.
I mean who chooses to pay for dance classes and vocal lessons rather than buying groceries?
However, for many of us, this is it. Doing anything else isn’t an option. Performing is our identity and without it, we wouldn’t be happy. Trust that you’ve raised us to be smart adults who will make the right decisions at the end of the day.
Trust us, let go, and watch us flourish.
How do you support the artist in your life? Let us know in the comments below!
Thanks for joining me this week and see you next time!
xoxo
Penelope
If you’re looking for advice on how to better support your aspiring performer, read this article. It provides really great insight and guidance.
https://artsedge.kennedy-center.org/families/at-home/cae/help-my-child-wants-to-be-an-artist
